Category Archives: Stupid

New glasses

I ordered some new glasses yesterday. I don’t actually need new glasses.

But they’re silver, handmade in Italy. The frames were a steal at just £500.

I wasn’t even drunk when I ordered them (I probably should have been since I’m pretty badly short sighted and need the thinnest thin lenses).

But, pictures I nicked from the website.

Aren’t they beautiful?

The Innocents

I’m currently watching a film I last saw at the age of around four or five. I had recurring nightmares for several years afterwards, with no recollection of actually seeing the film.

The dreams were a distant memory, randomly triggered now and again. As a teenager, it was pretty vague, the remnants of dreams rather than an event.

By adulthood, I’d obviously realised I’d seen a film that’d scared the shit out of me as a little kid. But I’d not come across the film, so there was a small element of doubt; I could have imagined it (I had a pretty good imagination back then).

Anyway, the film does exist.

There’s stuff that isn’t in the film, but that was probably down to that child imagination and, well, dreams.

The film’s a bit rubbish by the way. But God knows why I was watching it at that age.

Perilous adventure

Today, my second in command and I undertook perilous activities. First, there was a trip to the blue hole, an impressive string of small-ish falls, with deep pools.

There were four jumps, with an optional fifth.

Everyone did the first three, we managed the fourth too, but abstained from the last one in view of the ridiculous height.

I lost my glasses on the third jump, which was itself scarily high for a man with a fear of heights.

No, of course I wasn’t wearing them. They were in a secure place (my back pocket).

A diver was available for a reasonable price and, unbelievably, he found my glasses thirty-odd feet below. So all ended well and I don’t need to wear sunglasses until our return home.

Then, a little while later, wearing my glasses, I scaled a near vertical waterfall. OK, maybe it wasn’t that bad, but I’m getting on a bit and I’d also lost my asthma inhaler in the aforementioned leap of death.

We thoroughly enjoyed the climb up Konoko Falls, and the earlier plunges. However, since there was so much water, we have no pictures.

Not that I’d have been able to see to take any when it mattered. Still don’t know how I managed that fourth jump while almost blind.

Addendum: I should have mentioned my second in command’s spider powers. I was astonished to see her nimbly swinging legs up to reach ambitious footholds, at one point climbing almost horizontally.

A true spider woman. Probably inspired by the huge creatures dangling over our heads.

Middle of the night

With a nine o’clock start in Manchester, I had two options. Travel and stay open last night, and perhaps visit a couple of favourite bars, or catch the ridiculously early 5:33 train this morning.

For reasons I now cannot comprehend, I chose the latter. Apparently, that isn’t a common decision with travellers.

I shall resume my sleep now.


I’ve come to realise that toes are underrated. After damaging one of mine with a large axe yesterday, I’ve found walking to be a difficult undertaking. 

Our plans for today have been modified to prevent further damage. 


Occasionally, usually when at a bar, or shopping, I’ll creep up on my second in command, put my hands on her waist (or back), and make a zombie-like noise in her ear. Sometimes, I’ll attempt a mock bite of her neck. 

Such an opportunity presented itself at breakfast this morning. I approached with my usual stealth while she placed an egg on her plate. I opted for her waist and a small growl, since there were a lot of people around. 

She didn’t jump as high as usual; I realised that she may have become accustomed to my attacks. And then my second in command appeared from behind me, offering a plate. At this point I noticed the poor woman I’d just assaulted, looking around in a confused manner. 

An apology was proffered. 


I have several pairs of glasses: 

  1. A work pair
  2. A socialising pair
  3. A light decorating pair
  4. A heavy decorating pair (heavy decorating, not heavy eyewear)
  5. A spare pair

While standing at the bus stop this morning, waiting for my usual bus to work, I noticed that my glasses were a little dusty. 

On inspection, I found myself to be wearing my heavy decorating pair, the garish red ones I’d purchased by mistake. At that very moment, the bus arrived. 

Knowing I couldn’t really wear my red, plaster spattered glasses for work, I returned home to exchange them for something more appropriate. 

Arriving back at the bus stop, I realised I’d set my bag down on the sofa while I found the correct glasses. So a further return to the house was necessary (fortunately, it’s a short walk). On inserting my key in the lock, I discovered that, in my haste, I’d neglected to lock the front door on my (second) departure. 

I’m now on a bus to work, albeit somewhat late. Wondering what else I may have forgotten. 

Christmas presents

I’m coming to realise thar buying my second in command a zip wire ride from the top of the Baltic, across the Tyne, as a Christmas present, possibly wasn’t my best ever idea.


I’m annoyed with myself. I’m now on my way to work for the second time. My first attempt was aborted when, halfway there, I realised I’d forgotten my bag. 

I could have managed without my notebook and laptop at a push, but the prospect of starvation (I can’t buy a vegan sandwich at work) forced me to return home. 

I’m going to be ridiculously late for a busy day.